Monday, April 16, 2012

Bonding and the challenges.

Emersyn and I have now been together for a whole week!  I must say the bonding between the two of us has gone really, really well.  Her foster mother said she likes 'young' mothers, so maybe that helped!  I'm no teenager, but I can get still get around without a motorized scooter...for now anyway. :)  She really just sort of took to me and I to her.  It was an instant connection and I truly felt as though this child has always been with me in some way or another.  Already so in love with her and I feel like our bond has grown stronger each day...she was definitely given everything she wanted when she wanted it at her foster family's house!  And I can see that when she doesn't get her way, right away!  We're trying our best to curve that, but feel that some of those battles are better fought at a later time.  I have only been calling her by her Korean name and using as many Korean phrases with her as possible.  I do think that helps a lot.  When she really wants something I'm unable to understand, she will pull my face or hand in the direction and so far, we've been able to get the message to each other!  She will crawl into my lap and hold her hand out to me to hold back and climb on my back when she wants to get in the carrier.  When she's uncomfortable, she'll run to me, checks where I am often.  We've been sleeping next to each other on the floor of my bedroom and will reach out for me in the night and wake up happy to see me in the morning.  All in all, Hui-a and I are doing well. :)

She is still in love with her big brother and wants him to participate in everything!  Earlier today we finally figured out how to play her Pororo DVD on my computer and was SO stinkin' excited about it!  We made sure to buy the Korean version so she could understand it and she flipped out!!  She wrapped her arm around his neck and pointed to the screen with her other hand as if to say, 'look, look'!!  It was too cute!  He is so good with her and things continue to go well with those two!

Big sister is struggling.  She is used to most of the time and attention as Braedan is usually at school during the day (we let him stay home today) and she is trying, but it's a big challenge for her.  And Emersyn.  Their interaction is minimal and short lived because it usually ends in some kind of fight, usually physical. Emersyn is a bit of a pusher and grabber and Zoey could hold on to a greased pole if you put her up to it.  That makes for a very rough situation.  It's all about finding a balance with those two.  I've had several mini panic attacks thinking about how I'm going to hold down the fort with those two by myself when Danny returns to work and school next week!  There have been a lot of tears and usually we'll separate the two, divert their attention elsewhere, and Danny takes Zoey while I take Emersyn.  When I try to comfort Zoey, Em will try to push her out of the's only day 3 as a family of five and I'm still optimistic!  Everything takes time and these two will continue to fight even once they've bonded!  They are sisters after all!  In the meantime, we're trying our best to just keep everyone happy...praying these two find some common ground soon.

She and Danny aren't doing great either unfortunately.  She will interact with him from a distance or when I'm near, but is not thrilled at all to be alone with him.  I've tried several times to step back and let him take the lead, but Emersyn panics right away and runs to me.  She loves being outside and this afternoon I tried to let them all play while I stepped inside.  She freaked out, and when Danny picked her up, she starting crying really hard.   She also would not allow him to bathe her tonight as she thought I was going to try and leave them alone again.  I feel terrible for Danny as he wants nothing more than to hug and squeeze his little girl, which fortunately, she has allowed him to do briefly here and there.  Tomorrow both of the big kids are back to school and it will just be the three of us.  For now, it seems the best way to bond is when all three of us are together, so we're going to really work on that and have some major bonding time tomorrow.  He has been sleeping in our bed, but we may try and move him to the floor with us soon, or just the two of them at some point soon.  

It is definitely challenging at the moment, but that's because everything feels new after having been on such schedule with the other two for so long...I know things will continue to get better and it's been such a small amount of time since the five of us have been together and we're still finding what works.

We so appreciate all the thoughts and well wishes!  And the meals we've also received!  We know everyone is so anxious to meet Emersyn (she's even cuter in person!) but at the moment, we are not taking any visitors, I hope this post better explains why.

I am happy to report that there has been no grieving last night or tonight so far, just a few brief wake ups that appear to be mostly getting used to sleeping in her new surroundings and is easily comforted back to sleep.  She didn't wake up till noon today, so we kept her up as long as possible and she finally crashed at around 7pm and hope she will get on some sort of regular sleep schedule soon!

We are incredibly blessed and so thankful to be at this point in our lives and know that with time, things will fall into place.  

And yes, I did it.  

I did not pick up my camera even one little time today!  Too focused on my family!

However, I do have this picture I did not take, from the airport!  
Meeting her siblings and appa for the first time!

Thank to my friend Mario of mariolopezphoto for capturing these special moments for us!

And consider yourself lucky...I DO NOT post pics of myself on the internet!  But that's an issue for a much, much later date. :)


Kate Chan said...

Wishing you all a peaceful, love-filled transition to a family of five. It's definitely a journey, as you know and are so articulate about.


Tara @ Tales of a Trophy Wife said...

I think she's doing amazingly well. Just the jet lag alone would kill me:)

Sue Bele said...

Kim, I look forward to your photos and's a bridge for me...until we pick up our daughter, Phoebe (early May 2012).

Love your insights and honesty. I have always been a "tough" mom to my current 3 bio kids, but am unsure how I will be to my youngest daughter...


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